


Rambles

by Archangell



Category: James Bond (Craig movies)
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Crack, Internal Monologue, James rambles, M/M, POV First Person, Pre-Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-31
Updated: 2020-01-31
Packaged: 2021-02-25 04:41:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 890
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22490251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Archangell/pseuds/Archangell
Summary: “As I walk through the valley of death I remember that google maps can’t always be trusted.”
Relationships: James Bond/Q
Kudos: 16





	Rambles

**Author's Note:**

> Saw the first paragraph as a prompt somewhere on Facebook and James took it from there. 
> 
> Let me know if you like :)

As I walk through the valley of death I remember that google maps can’t always be trusted. 

You may be wondering why I’m walking. (Or not. I’m just going to assume you are just for the sake of it.)

To answer the quire, and this may not come as a surprise: I lost my car. 

Again. 

As per usual. 

Actually not as usual - I must tell you that out of all my missions this has got to be the first time I’ve ever had my car towed away! 

I know! Surprising isn’t it? My car not damaged at all! Just lost. 

Kind of?

Whatever. 

I’m surprised that this is the first time I’ve ever had a car towed. I wonder why Q never had a car of mine towed before! It’d be a good way to at least get something of his back in tac. 

That being said, I do come back in more or less one piece... Eventually. Not that I’m his though. And I only come back because I want to see how many funerals Mi6 throw me before they give up. At last count there’s been 27. 

You’d’ve thought they’d have learnt by now! At least its entertaining! For me at least. Got to have a hobby of sorts, right? Apart from attempting to destroy all my gadgets. 

Now enough about that and onto the next part. Google maps and the valley of death. 

To be honest, it’s not exactly the valley of death since I’m still (I presume) alive and I’m not fearing for my life (yet...)

If I wasn’t wanting to get out of here, it’d be a nice place to visit. The small village that’s sprawled out in the lowest parts of the valley is actually quite quaint. 

Anyway, so why I’m trusting google maps of all things? And not listening to my quartermaster? 

(And before any of you get snarky, I do actually listen to him... sometimes... More often then not ok! But that still counts as listening to him!)

Well, dear reader, Q is sick. 

Yes. Sick!

Sick enough to actually stay home and stay off any electronics! 

The nerve of him! 

How could he do this to me?!

Yes, I could call his minions or whatever they’re called but none of them come close to being as... I dunno. As Q-y, I guess, if that even makes sense. 

I guess I should cut them some slack as they did let me know about Q and had made sure he’d gotten home safely. 

But still! They're not Q. 

Oh gees. I’m getting too sentimental about this! I need to get out of here before I start singing Q’s praises.

And really, if you ask me - I know you haven’t but I’m going to tell you anyway - Q is one of a kind! The spotty young git knows how to work himself into a permanent spot in your life...

Oh lord. 

I need to stop rambling and start the getting unlost part of this mission...

So I can get back to Q. 

Fuck. 

It’s all about Q isn’t it!

As it should be too. I really did mean what I said about him worming his way in.

Of all the people I know, he’s the only one deserving of the loyalty and devotion of everyone! He goes above and beyond for you - even though he has his mortgage and two cats to worry about! He’s irreplaceable. 

To make matters worse no one repays him in anything but more work!

Even me!

Yes, I give him a box of tea now and again but since when dose that cut it? Especially after all he dose for me... 

I’m the biggest idiot around - I can’t see a good thing when it’s in front of me. My only hope is that Q has been patient enough to wait around for me. 

And be forgiving too. Because the lord knows I’ve made him wait far too long. 

Maybe I should kidnap him and take him on an extended holiday?

A yacht, maybe a private island and just the two of us. 

Good. Now I have a plan. All I need now is to get home. 

Wait a sec... am I hallucinating? There’s a bloody yacht here! I’m not kidding! Here, a place which is most likely several days away from the nearest bit of water. Or so says google maps but look where that got me. 

It actually looks in quite good nick! I hope it comes with a good navigation system. It’s big enough for both of us too! 

Q will want to modernise it with all the latest gadgets. And install internet I’m sure. I honestly think he wouldn’t be able to survive if he isn’t plugged into some sort of electrical device at all times. 

Maybe that’s what’s wrong with him? He’s not really sick because he’s a robot and needs to be charged every day! Or his software could need updating. 

I should ask if he comes with warranty like other electronic stuff dose?

Seriously, what is it with me and rambling today! I wonder if I should be worried?! 

Ok, Bond, get a grip. You can ramble and worry all you like when sailing home. 

Now, who do I see about this yacht? I have someone very important to give it to.


End file.
